I remember lying in the bathtub one night, sick with COVID and completely exhausted after facilitating a workshop. This is kind of messed up, I thought. Why didn’t I cancel and give myself the rest I needed? The idea of canceling had literally never crossed my mind.
Why not? There were many reasons. I love this material and really wanted to share it. Plus I’d made a commitment, and I value following through. I also didn’t want to disappoint people. And honestly, I was counting on the income.
Somehow all of those things seemed more important than giving myself the TLC I needed. Not exactly great self-care. And it certainly didn’t feel like flourishing. The real kicker is that the workshop was all about exploring the virtues of self-care for those of us working in the helping professions. Yikes!
Early in the pandemic, I had developed a series called Healing for Healers. I felt like I had to do something. So many of my colleagues, like me, were showing up to help others navigate the pandemic while quietly neglecting their own needs. I wanted to create a space where we could name the challenges we faced and engage in practices to replenish ourselves.
The workshops were well attended, and it felt good to be doing something productive during such a scary time. I also noticed my own nervous system beginning to settle as I guided others through mindfulness, yoga, and self-compassion practices. I just hadn’t yet learned to offer myself the same care consistently when I needed it.
It’s part of why I named this space The Flourishing Therapist. It’s an aspiration for me. I don’t always feel like I’m flourishing, but it’s something I’m reaching for. After more than 25 years in the trenches of this beautiful and demanding work we call psychotherapy, I’m still curious about how to create a more consistent sense of flourishing, for myself and for my clients.
These days I have a different relationship with my work. I’m not caught up in striving to take on the next client or teach the next thing. I’ve learned to pause and reflect before I say yes to almost anything. I make time to move my body intentionally every day. I write regularly. And I connect with my peers through a consultation group that meets every other week and reminds me to keep doing all of these things.
Over the years I’ve had countless conversations with colleagues who have had their own bathtub moments. They’ve overbooked themselves again, taken on too many clients, or missed the retreat they’d been hoping for. Our natural attunement to others and our passion for this work can be a siren call. It pulls at our heartstrings, and before we know it we’ve drifted onto the rocks, abandoning our own good intentions around self-care in favor of helping someone else.
This work, done well, asks a lot of us. The therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of healing and growth, which means we ourselves are the instrument. When we’re depleted, it hurts us and our clients.
That night in the bathtub crystallized something for me. I wanted to create a space that supports therapists in a real way, and my hope is that this small corner of the internet can offer just that: inspiration, connection, and renewal.
I believe a long and flourishing career rests on a few things: regularly engaging in regenerative practices that nurture our well-being, building strong peer support, and having spaces where we can talk honestly about our work and our lives.
Since the pandemic, my practice has been entirely virtual. I appreciate the flexibility, but I miss chatting with colleagues while pouring a cup of tea between sessions. Those little conversations gave me more than I realized: often a shared laugh, and the sense that I wasn’t carrying the weight of this work alone.
That’s why I’m starting a virtual peer circle, my version of the tea talk I miss so much. It’s a low-stakes, low-pressure way to connect. We’ll begin in early 2027, meeting during a lunch hour. The day and exact time are still to be confirmed. For more details, click on the Peer Circle section. If you have the interest and capacity, I’d love for you to join me.
If these issues resonate with you and you’d like to hear about upcoming offerings, new posts, resources or to help shape what this space becomes, please join my mailing list.
