This morning, I had the delightful experience of doing just that with one of my clients. She was sharing a challenging family situation with a semi-smile on her face. I homed in on that. When she smiled, I smiled back. When she let a giggle slip out, I giggled louder back. It created this wonderful little feedback loop where we were laughing together at the absurd situation she was navigating.
It was an effective way for me to be right there with my client. It also created some much-needed psychological distance from the stressor. This shift seemed to allow my client to relate to the stressful situation in a new way. It was a powerful moment.
Laughing together is a way of bonding and can be a way of being with difficult truths. Isn’t that our job as therapists? To build a strong enough therapeutic alliance so we can stare down difficult truths together. I think of laughter as a form of compassion in action. It’s a powerful therapeutic tool. Back when I had a physical office with colleagues on the other side of my wall, I used to laugh so much that my colleagues would tease that it sounded like I was having way too much fun with my clients.
I remember being in graduate school and having an instructor, Fran, who I was in awe of. She taught Psychopathology 101 and her clinical knowledge was immense. She walked with a cane and oozed hard won wisdom. I remember when we were learning about defense mechanisms she referred to humor as a “high-class defense.” I had never thought of humor that way.
I actually think it’s my clients who taught me how to laugh over the years. I’m a pretty serious introvert by nature, so developing my funny bone has been a process. My clients have been instrumental in teaching me how to laugh. Now I can’t imagine not using humor in my sessions and in my life. There are so many absurd things happening in the world. Sometimes all I can do is just shake my head, take a deep breath and laugh a bit. It seems to provide some sort of acknowledgment and physical release.
I felt that as we came to the end of our session earlier today. I also noticed a downshift in my client’s nervous system. When I checked this observation out with her, she said that she did indeed feel better. Calmer. Less overwhelmed. More hopeful. “Thanks for laughing with me today, Brenda.” I smiled back, of course, and said “it was my pleasure.”
